Introspection
by Orion9
Summary: A late night visit. A call. A decision. [MS]


Disclaimer: Without a Trace and all related characters belong to Jerry Bruckheimer Television, CBS Productions and Warner Bros Television. No profit is being made here.

Category: Angst, Romance, Songfic

Feedback: Yes, please! Thanks for reading. :)

A/N: My very first completed WaT fic, set somewhere in Season 3. Not that I've seen Season 3 yet so apologies in advance for any deviation or mistakes in characterisation, canon, location, etc. It's also the first time I've written a songfic or romance – hope it's not too… err… weird, for a lack of a better word. Was working on a hurt/comfort piece when this story suddenly popped up so please, feel free to slot this scene in wherever it's supposed to go 'cause I'm drawing a huge blank there. Finally, any similarity in plot, characters, etc, is purely coincidental and entirely by chance. Special thanks to sHoT for the beta. :)

* * *

Samantha Spade paused at the doorway of her bedroom, surprised, when the doorbell chimed suddenly, announcing the obvious with a cheery peal that felt a little out of place in the quietness of her apartment. A quick glace at the clock told her that it was almost 11.00 pm and she looked towards the front door with a slight frown. A visitor? Now? Who could be calling at this time of the night?

Firmly pushing aside the small nagging worry that whomever it was on the other side of the door might have something to do with her colleagues from the elite Missing Persons Unit – the remaining four members were still working a case when she'd been forced by an unexpected injury to leave earlier than planned – the FBI Special Agent quickly crossed the threshold and peered into the peephole. Her eyes widened at the identity of her late night visitor.

With practiced grace, she unhooked the latch and unlocked the door, opening it wide. "Jack? What are you doing here? Is everyone all right?" she asked in a rush, her hand gripping the knob hard while she searched the tired face of her team leader for answers, her concern obvious in her wide gaze.

Rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, Senior Special Agent Jack Malone gave her a surprised look before realisation abruptly dawned on him. Damn. It hadn't occurred to him what showing up at this time of the night might have looked like. But it wasn't as if he'd intentionally planned this – he'd actually been on his way home when he'd somehow found himself standing in front of her door. He'd rung the doorbell automatically, and it wasn't until Sam expressed her disquiet that Jack became aware of the incongruity of the visit.

"Jack?"

"Sorry, Sam," he quickly reassured the slim blonde agent with a small smile. "I– I didn't mean to scare you like this. Nothing's wrong. Everyone's fine. Really."

"Would you like to come in?" Sam asked, her worry lessened considerably by Jack's words though not completely assuaged. Receiving a nod, she opened the door wider and stepped aside, allowing Jack to enter before closing the door after him. He headed straight for the couch, sitting down with a weary sigh. Sam watched him with concerned eyes as she paused near the doorway to her small kitchen. "Want something to drink?"

"No, thanks," Jack answered, stifling a yawn. He waited until Sam took the adjacent seat before sending her another smile. "I'm sorry to pop in unannounced like this…"

"That's ok." Sam returned his smile with one of her own but her apprehension was still evident on her face when she asked quietly, "Are you sure everything's okay?" At his nod, she continued, "What happened with the Simmons case?"

Relaxing even further as he leaned back on the couch with a soft sigh, Jack peered at Sam through half-closed lids. "We found Jake Simmons before he boarded the last train of the night."

"That's great. What was his reason for running away?"

"He wasn't," Jack chuckled at the confused look on Sam's beautiful face. "Running away, that is. He was actually on his way to visit his pen-pal in California. Danny found the note that Jake had left for his parents an hour before Vivian and I got to him."

"Where was it?"

"Jessica Simmons thought that it was a message specially for her and her alone, so she kept it hidden in her treasure box. She finally brought it out when Danny managed to convince her that he wasn't going to take away her brother's note, only to borrow it for a little while."

Sam shook her head, smiling as she recalled the adorable four-year-old girl. "Danny always did have a way with kids. I wished I'd been there for the reunion."

"Yeah, so did we. After all, you were the one who found the treehouse, and Jessica..." Jack's own mirth slowly faded away as he regarded the woman sitting before him, feet tucked comfortably under her. Dressed in light blue cotton pajamas, hair unbound, with her face freshly scrubbed, Sam was plainly getting ready for bed when he'd appeared on her doorstep. With some effort, Jack resisted the urge to glance down and smooth over his own rumpled suit, one that he'd had on since seven this morning. "How about you? Are you okay?"

"Yes, thanks."

"Are you sure? That was some fall you took. What did the doctor say?"

"I'm fine, Jack," Sam assured him with a smile, holding up her bandaged left wrist. "See? It's just a sprain. No heavy lifting for the next few days, that's all. It wasn't Jessica's fault that she suddenly remembered that she had a fear of heights and panicked when I was carrying her down. It was a good thing we were almost at the bottom when that happened."

After another long look, Jack finally nodded and relaxed further into the couch, looking for all the world like he was ready to go to sleep right there and then. A few quiet seconds ticked by before Sam spoke up once more, "Jack? Why exactly are you here?"

"I don't really know." The simple answer was accompanied by a slight lift of one shoulder. He met her gaze unblinkingly. "Just wanted someone to talk to, I guess."

Sam bit into her bottom lip as she considered his ambiguous reply, cognizant of the conflict that was clamouring within herself. She'd always had a soft spot for Jack – prior even to their affair. During their brief time together, despite being acutely aware just how wrong their actions were, Sam had been more than willing to be that 'other woman' in his life. And before Martin came along and showed her differently, Sam also used to wonder if she would go to her grave loving Jack Malone.

But that was then.

Now, the two of them no longer had any other relationship outside the boundaries of work and friendship. And as she sat there, studying Jack's craggy features, Sam suddenly realised that she was completely all right with that. Regulations aside, she wasn't even sure that she'd be all that willing to try again with Jack, even if the opportunity were to present itself. Although Jack didn't know it yet, she'd already moved on – that particular space in her heart was no longer empty – and somehow, somewhere along the way, she'd come to consider her former lover as nothing more than just a really good friend.

Her breath caught at that revelation and Sam knew then that she finally had the answer that she'd been seeking all along in regards to her relationship with Martin. For some time now, she'd avoided thinking about it – of how important Martin was in her life and of how much he'd come to mean to her. Sometimes, being with Martin felt like a dream, one that she was afraid that she'd abruptly wake up from if she started analysing their relationship a little too deeply.

Some of her thoughts must have shown on her face, for Jack sat up straighter and sent a sheepish grin her way, looking clearly uncomfortable. Giving him a quick smile, Sam opened her mouth to speak when he suddenly asked, "Do you think I could take you up on that drink right now?"

"Uh, sure." Sam made a move to get off the easy chair, feeling strangely grateful for the short reprieve. There wasn't any doubt in her mind that one of the hardest things she would have to do would be to tell Jack about her relationship with Martin, no matter how much she would like to do so at the moment. Not that it was of any business of Jack's in the first place but somehow Sam felt that she at least owed the man an explanation, considering what they had been to each other in the not so distant past. Perhaps then, they could both put the past to rest and move on without any regrets. "How about beer, or some soda? I think I have a couple of bottles of each in the fridge."

"Soda will be fine. Listen, Sam, I–" Whatever Jack was going to say was lost when the phone rang suddenly, startling the both of them. Jack's mouth snapped closed while his eyebrows rose in silent query, and received an apologetic shrug from Sam in return. "Why don't you get that…? I'll just help myself in the kitchen."

Without waiting for her answer, Jack got off the couch and ambled away. Watching bemusedly as he disappeared into the kitchen, Sam absently reached over and picked up the telephone. "Hello?"

"Hey…"

She couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face at the soft greeting even as she shot a quick glance towards the kitchen. "Hey…"

"Did I wake you?"

"No, you didn't. I'm glad you called."

"Danny told me about what happened this afternoon…" Martin Fitzgerald's voice was low, and barely audible past the background music that all but drowned out his next few words. "… wanted … come over but I wasn't sure… asleep…"

A slight frown creased her smooth forehead as she concentrated harder as Martin's voice faded in and out. "What was that? You need to speak louder. I can barely hear you…"

"Wait, hang on a minute, okay?" At her soft acquiescence, Martin disappeared off the line and although she could hear the faint murmur of voices, Sam wasn't able to make out any of the words. Suddenly, the blaring music became merely a soft accompaniment in the background just as Martin appeared back on the line. "Sorry about that… Is it better now?"

She smiled. "Much."

"How's the wrist?" He'd been away, following up on another lead, when she'd taken the tumble from the tree. It was only when Martin had returned to the office after the case was closed that he found out about Sam's unfortunate mishap. He immediately wanted to drop by and see if she was all right, but decided in the end to call first, in case she wasn't feeling up to having visitors.

"It's fine, really, the doctor said it was only a minor sprain," she answered, warmed by the obvious concern and affection in his voice.

"We can postpone the hiking trip this weekend until you're better."

Her mouth twisted into a wry smile. "It's just my wrist that's injured, silly, not my ankle."

"Still…" His doubt and disquiet all but leaped out of the receiver at her.

"No, no more postponements," she stated firmly. "I know you've been really looking forward to this trip... and no more arguments from you, mister…" she warned, grinning as Martin chuckled at her mock no-nonsense tone.

"All right, all right. You're a hard mistress, Sam."

"Thank you. I do try my best," she replied cheekily. "So, where are you?"

Just as Martin gave her the name of the place where he was at, which turned out to be a bar not too far away from her apartment block, Jack popped his head out to ask if she'd like him to bring her anything from the kitchen. Cupping the receiver with one hand, Sam silently shook her head in reply before turning her attention back to her other late night caller.

"Sam?"

"Yes?" Her answer was soft, hesitant.

"Is someone there?"

Sam closed her eyes and winced. So much for her hope that Martin had missed overhearing Jack's question. It wasn't that she was afraid he would misconstrue the entire situation – for all his uncertainties regarding their relationship, Sam knew that Martin would, at the very least, allow her a chance to explain before jumping to any rash conclusions, however angry he might be. But she was conscious of how easy it was to hurt him, especially when it came to Jack and her past with their team leader.

For a split second, she considered telling Martin that it was just the television, but Sam knew that she would never be able to lie to him and look into those expressive blue eyes the next day. Taking a deep breath, she answered in a voice barely above a whisper, "That was Jack."

Martin was so silent after her answer that, for a moment, she thought that he'd hung up on her. Then she heard a soft sigh across the line. "Martin?"

"What's he doing there, Sam?"

-

_Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone  
Let's pretend that we're together all alone  
I'll tell the man to turn the jukebox way down low  
And you can tell your friend there with you  
He'll have to go_

-

With a small measure of surprise, she detected no anger in the carefully worded question, only a deep sense of sadness and resignation, and once again, Sam wondered what she'd done to deserve the affection of such a man. She'd never met anyone like Martin Fitzgerald – with his classic good looks and family background, he could have had anyone he wanted. Why he'd chosen her,over all the women he could have had, was still somewhat of a mystery to Sam. And although she knew that it wasn't easy for him and that he preferred it otherwise, Martin understood and respected her need to keep their relationship private from their friends and colleagues.

"He came over ten minutes ago. He just needed someone to talk to." Sam looked up when Jack emerged from the kitchen, carrying his drink in one hand. For a moment, he appeared totally unsure of what to do next. Catching Sam's eyes and her almost imperceptible nod, he gave her a tight smile as he silently returned to his seat, an unreadable expression on his face.

"I see."

-

_Whisper to me  
__Tell me, do you love me true?  
__Or is he holding you  
__The way I do?  
__Though love is blind  
__Make up your mind  
__I've got to know  
__Should I hang up?  
__Or will you tell him  
__He'll have to go_

-

Sam closed her eyes at the deep hurt that coloured his all too quiet reply. "No," she said quickly, suddenly wishing with all her heart that Martin was here right now in the apartment with her instead of Jack. "I don't think you do."

There was another brief, intense pause before Martin spoke up again. "Maybe I should go..."

Sam's heart skipped a beat and sheinvoluntarily tightened her grip on the handle. "No, don't…"

"Sam?"

"I don't want you to go... Stay, please?"

A soft, almost inaudible sigh floated across the line. "Are you sure?"

-

_You can't say the words I want to hear  
__While you're with another man  
__Do you want me, answer 'Yes' or 'No'  
__Darling, I will understand_

-

Under the wariness of his tone, uncertainty and weariness tinged Martin's question, but there was also a slight hint of hope in his voice, and Sam knew then that she would give just about anything if only she could just alleviate his fears regarding their relationship – and reassure him that he'd absolutely nothing to be worried about when it came to Jack. She shot a quick glance at Jack's slightly bowed head as she gave voice to her decision.

"Yes," she whispered softly into the receiver. "I'm very sure."

Keeping his eyes fixed upon the bottle he held loosely in his right hand, Jack released a breath that he didn't know that he'd been holding at Sam's answer. He tried, perhaps not very hard, but he tried nonetheless, not to listen in on the conversation, one-sided though it was. In retrospect, he should've stayed in the kitchen, where the only audible sound was the soft murmur of her voice, and given Sam the privacy that she deserved. But he had to admit that he was intensely curious about this late night caller of hers, and despite all his misgivings, he'd wandered back into the living room and returned to his seat after getting Sam's subtle go-ahead to do so.

And how did that particular saying go again? Oh yes, be careful what you wish for…

It was difficult to ignore the words that had floated over, especially given the expression on Sam's face. Jack knew that he wasn't a genius by any measure, but it didn't exactly take one to figure out that whomever Sam was speaking to, the mystery guy on the other side of the line was obviously important to her.

Taking consolation in the fact that at least Sam had someone special in her life – she certainly deserved all the happiness that she could get, especially after what he'd put her through – Jack slowly put down the half-finished bottle and stood up, jerking a thumb towards the door. "I should go."

Sam met his eyes and nodded, and Jack knew then, when she didn't protest and asked that he stay instead, that he finally accepted that what they had had between them was over and in the past. And for a moment, he grieved deeply for that loss.

It was truly ironic, really. Now that his marriage was dissolving and he was almost single again, it was her turn to play the part of the 'attached' one. Jack sighed inwardly. What had he really expected, anyway? That she'd just put her entire life on hold and wait for him while he sorted out the sordid mess that was masquerading as his life? Perhaps this was a clear sign from above that they were never meant to be after all.

Not then, and certainly, not now.

"Listen, could you just hang on for a minute?" Now it was Sam's turn to ask, and after getting Martin's promise that he'd wait for her to return, she placed the receiver on the table and followed her team leader to the door.

Pausing at the open doorway, Jack turned towards her. "Just tell me something… does he make you happy?"

Sam didn't even stop to think about her answer. "Yes, Jack, he does. Very much."

"That's good," Jack nodded slowly, eyes downcast. She didn't offer the man's name and since he wasn't sure that he was ready to know just yet, he didn't bother to ask. Whoever the guy was, Jack hoped that he knew just how lucky he was. He took a deep breath and looked up, his mouth curving to form a slight smile. "You deserved to be truly happy, you know."

"Thank you." Reaching out, Sam wrapped her arms around Jack and gave him a fierce hug, one which he returned after a slight moment of surprised hesitation.

"'Night, Jack," she whispered into his ear and Jack knew without a doubt that those couple of words were more than a simple farewell wish.

His arms tightened around her briefly before he let her go – from the looks of things, in more ways than one. "Good night, Sam. I'll see you on Monday."

She smiled, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "Okay."

He nodded, returning her smile before turning and walking away. Feeling in equal measure melancholic and elated at the same time, Sam watched until Jack had disappeared around the corner before returning to the apartment and closing the door. Locking it behind her, she lowered herself onto the couch and picked up the receiver once more. "Martin?"

"Hi…"

"Hi yourself…" Sam whispered back, feeling absurdly pleased that he'd waited.

"So, what happened?" he asked quietly after a beat.

"Nothing… I saw Jack out and said goodbye to him."

"Oh… Just like that, huh?"

"Yes, just like that," Sam responded with a smile at the guarded tone in his voice. It was obvious that though Martin would prefer to have more details than that, he was more than willing to wait until she was ready to share them with him. It was so inherently sweet of him that she couldn't help but to be thankful once more for his steady presence and unrelenting support. "Thanks for not freaking out on me..."

"Believe me, it wasn't easy," Martin admitted ruefully.

"I know," Sam murmured, her heart aching at the slightly unsteady tone of his voice. "And I'm really sorry about that. Are you okay?"

"I think so, although I'm still trying to convince my heart and stomach to return to their original places…" he quipped with an exaggerated sigh and smiled at the sound of Sam's laughter.

"Martin?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad that you're still here."

"For as long as you need me to be, Sam."

She had to take a deep, calming breath as she quickly blinked back once more the sudden urge to cry at Martin's tender words, although this wasn't the first time he'd offered her that particular promise. "I know."

"Good."

"Hey…" she asked softly after a brief pause. "Do you wanna come over?"

"I'm not sure…"

Her eyes widened at the seriousness of his tone, and Sam bit into her bottom lip with some trepidation, wondering if despite the conversation that they just had, Martin **was** angry with her over Jack's visit. Just as she thought that he was about to terminate the call, Martin continued teasingly, "Is this going to turn out to be one of those booty calls, Agent Spade? 'Cause I'll have you know that I'm…"

Unexpected laughter bubbled out from her at that. "Martin Fitzgerald…!" she exclaimed with mock indignation, swiftly interrupting him before he could progress any further with that sentence.

"Yes, Sam?"

Now he was all boyishly innocent. Sam could almost see that look on his handsome face and she shook her head with fond exasperation. "So? Are you coming or what?"

There was definitely an answering smile in his voice as he replied, "I'll be there in ten minutes."

-

_Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone  
__Let's pretend that we're together all alone  
__I'll tell the man to turn the jukebox way down low  
__And you can tell your friend there with you  
__He'll have to go_

-

The End

* * *

Song: _**He'll Have to Go**_ by Jim Reeves 


End file.
